It’s hard. I’m also middle-aged (ish? I’ll be 40 next year) and fat — working out hasn’t changed that, and neither has any sort of dieting. I think my earlier dieting made me fatter in the long run.
And, beautiful or not, I highly recommend buying decent clothes that fit. It’s more comfortable and more flattering, and honestly it’s easier for me to take care of a body I’m not actively hating all the time, and nothing makes me hate myself worse than clothes that are too tight.
I have a bunch more writing about weight, health, and beauty if you’re interested.