It doesn’t help that I can’t stop reading their pieces.
Last week, I got curated in Humor, apparently pretty much the Holy Grail as far as being curated on Medium.
For some people.
I submitted the piece with the “humor” tag, but I did no research before I did that. Until I got curated, I didn’t understand the extent of the humor section — I like funny things, but apparently before I published this, I didn’t read funny things on Medium.
Now, I’m a big reader. I mean, I’m generally big: I’m a big eater, a big drinker, a big laugher. I wear a big pants size. I’m big in Japan.
But I’m a really big reader. I read anything. Really anything. I read cereal boxes if I don’t have anything else to read while I eat breakfast. I read shampoo bottles while I poop.
So finding out Medium had a section that wasn’t just “9,412 Ways to Get Ahead on Medium, by Someone Who Posts 40 Articles Per Day,” “Why I am Sad, by A Middle-Aged Manic Pixie Dream Girl,” and “12 Reasons You Should Be Better Than You Are, You Loser, by A 26-year-old Unemployed MBA,” was pretty exciting.
I’ve been reading humor pieces nonstop since then.
One of my new favorites is Roz Warren. She’s also written for the Funny Times, and the New York Times, and probably Time, Times of London, the time zone map — she may have written the Time Traveler’s Wife, I don’t know.
Seriously, please just go and read everything she’s ever written. I am.
It’s not easy, because she’s SUPER productive, but, just, try. Start here:
As you can see, Roz Warren is funnier than me.
I’m also really enjoying the results of the Slackjaw fall humor writing challenge. Full disclosure: I signed up for the challenge, and then did absolutely nothing to complete it. I got the emails and didn’t do anything to complete the process, and I didn’t submit anything either.
Other people did better. Literally everyone who submitted anything did better, but definitely these people:
Research Participants Wanted (To Beat My Ass)
Volunteers will be compensated $60 for beating my cowardly ass.
12 Tips For When The Town Elders Choose You For The Skin Harvest
When you’ve lived as many cycles as I have, you pick up a thing or two. You start to learn what’s what about quite a…
This Song Sucks Ass: A Line By Line Analysis Of “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” And How I’d Fix It
It’s about time someone improved these lyrics.
At this particular time, the three top prize pieces haven’t been posted. They’re also guaranteed to be funnier than my submission, which — you will recall — was nothing.
Most things are funnier than nothing.
If you like humor by women and non-binary people, check out Belladonna Comedy. If you don’t like humor written by women and non-binary people, please check them out RIGHT NOW and then come back.
Still don’t like humor from women and non-binary people? Please get in the sea.
Not in the sea? Great. Read this:
Congratulations On Your Promotion To The Position Of My Boyfriend
Your baseline sexual compensation will not increase.
Dear Alumnus, Of Course This Isn't About Money
We are 100% committed to keeping in touch forever. Dear Alumnus, We hope you are doing well! In fact, we know you are…
See, they’re way, way funnier than I will ever be.
I’ll admit that getting curated in Humor was pretty exciting. I published that piece through a very funny satire/surrealism publication called Pickle Fork. It was OK:
What I Learned from having No Internet for 17 Minutes last Thursday
Last Thursday, for 17 minutes, my internet went out.
There are many other funny people on there, though. All of them are funnier than me, and you should go definitely check them out.
If you are funnier than Molly K. Mitchell, feel free to put your link in the comments. She promises she will read your piece, unless it is not funny.